It's hard to keep going sometimes. I couldn't even move a couple of days this week. I only picked M up from school twice this week. It was rough, I can't believe I am like THIS! It scares me, because after four years of being ill it feels like it only gets worse. I told J one night that it feels like I should be in the hospital. I went to see my M.D. twice. He told me that unfortunately when you are as sick and have my diagnosis, I have to accept that there will be good days and bad days. Lately my bad days sometimes do not even involve my facial pain as much. I fell as if I don't have any energy, I am lightheaded, no appetite, pain throughout my entire body and different Trigeminal pains.
I want to have support from my family. I guess that after all this time everyone is getting tired of hearing about it. I feel about the same but unfortunately I don't have a chance of escaping the hell I live.
The Pain Management Doc I have been seeing finally sent me a dismissal letter. I told all of the rest of my providers. That makes me feel like crap. Like I'm doing something illegal. I take everything I'm given and how they subscribe it, but some jackass accuses me of selling my scrips with my daughter in the room. Then yells at me saying he has too many other patients to see. I don't need that. I'm glad that I'm going to get a new one.
