What Happened Today?

   Yesterday started off rough. J woke me up early because I wanted to wanted to watch The Wedding. That threw my whole day off. I went back to sleep after but I knew it was going to be rough. I had to go and finish my decorating my part of the teachers lounge. I got there about 12.30pm and I know the PTA lady must have said something because the Janitors said "Oh you finally made it". Then M and I went in there and got a couple of things done and finished within an hour. But not without asking if I would have my Guacamole and Salsa made.
   We were invited to go out to celebrate a friends husbands birthday last night, and because our babysitter mixed up her weeks, she was in NJ. It's ok, so S's family and my fam when to eat at Nordstroms for dinner.
   This morning I didn't want to get out of bed, so I slept in until 12:00pm. The wind was very cool today and we had to go to the grocery store to get all of the stuff for the salsa and guac. I also have to make brownies for 60 or 80. Thank goodness I will have help. While in the store my ear started to hurt. We got home ate and I went to bed. By this time is was in a good amount of pain. I took a pain pill and then slept for 3 hours. When I woke up I thought I was going to throw up. Yuck!!! Thankfully I did not. It's midnight and I just want this day to be over.
  
 

Cleaning Up The Mess I Made

   Yesterday I called D.N. my Therapist and left him a message about Tuesdays fiasco, and made an appointment with Dr. O.G. for today. I also called Dr.K.G. and left a message about it too. The lady said Dr.O.G. called in to talk to Dr. K.G.. I told her that I followed through and what happened. Then later in the afternoon and we talked. He said that I sounded fine and what had happened was that I just had a meltdown and just happened to be in the doctors office. We agreed that I would just come to see him once a week, but didn't need to be referred to anywhere else.
   I got up this morning and was wondering why my alarm was going off. Oh yeah, I have an appointment at 9:30am. M and I got ready and I was just lolly gagging around. Then about 8:45am I panicked. I grabbed my book to check the time of my appointment. 9:00am!!! We were out the door in 2 minutes. On the way there I called and left a message that I was so sorry I was going to be 5 minutes late. Exactly 5 minutes late and wouldn't you know he was running on schedule. We go back and we talked about Tuesday. He said that Dr. K.G. was worried and didn't know what to do. But he agreed anyone with illness after illness along with reactions to medication would cause a great amount of stress on someone. 10 minutes after getting there and I was on my way. Ahhhh!
   I got home and the PTA President called to remind me that we needed to start decorating for Teacher Appreciation Week. I have a hard time saying no, so when she approached me a month ago I was like sure. I just don't even know why I did this to myself. I never know how I feel and to commit to something was foolish of me. But I said yes to I had to do it. M and I went to her school and PTA lady wasn't there. Good! I started on what I said I'd do, then she called and because I was there she'd stop by. Great it was so humid out today and the school didn't have the air on, plus they were waxing the floors. The smell was horrendous. After PTA Lady gets there she starts going over each days menu. another perfect opportunity to say no. She already said what she marked down for me to do. I'm stressed out, but I don't know her and she works in M's POD. I don't want her to say anything bad about me. I guess I can only do what I can do, and I can't feel bad about that.
     

Watch What You Say

    I got up this morning and..wow, I almost forgot. I got up and went to the doctor. That's where it all began.
    My feet, hands and face were swollen again My ear was throbbing from pain. Booo! I felt very tearful today let me start there. It seemed like the longest wait to get called back when I arrived. Dr. K.G. finally came in and started to address my reaction to the new medication. I proceeded to tell him how I was so sick of all of the medications and side effects with no REAL answers. As he handed me the box of tissue he stood up and awkwardly placed his hand on my sun brunt shoulder. He looked at me and said, "you've done everything you could, don't blame yourself." Are you kidding me? Why in this moment did I hate him so much? He seems so not concerned about the swelling and my thyroid medication. All focus was on my anxiety and that was making it worse. From there he began to tell me that I have taken on a lot of the past couple of months and it would be too much for anyone. I can't recall what was said exactly after that. Poor M was sitting there bored to death. Dr. K.G. wanted to get ahold of Dr. O.G. before I left. He wasn't able to do much more than leave a message. Next he suggested that maybe I needed to take some time and get some help in dealing with all of this from a mental health facility. He also said that we would worry about the thyroid and other stuff next week, we aren't ignoring it just putting it on hold. He kept going in and out of the room saying he was making calls. He came back and said he spoke with someone at the facility and I have an appointment at 6pm.
    I came home and felt like I took 5 steps backwards. I called my mom and she felt helpless, as did my m-i-l when I spoke with her later. J came home and M went over to S's house so that we could go for the 6pm assessment. Well we arrive promptly and filled out the necessary forms. We waited and waited, until 6:45 then I went up to the receptionist and asked what the wait time is. She tells me that it shouldn't be any more than 20 minutes. We sat there clock watching 7:00...7:15...7:30. At this point J and I had said we weren't going to wait past 7:45. Well at 7:55 I go back up and let her know we have now been sitting there for 2 hours and are going to leave. The receptionist calls to the back and someone comes out and calls my name. We are standing in the hall and she asks me why I want to leave, and if I wanted to reschedule. Jeff could feel my frustration and spoke up for me. We got home at 8:45pm and it felt as if the day was a waste.
    I don't know any other job where you can make as many mistakes as my doctors have and not lose your job. I'm so confused and angry.

As The Days Pass, My life is starting to sound like a soap opera

   With all good, comes bad. Yesterday I had such a great day and today was exactly the opposite. I opened my eyes and starring up at the ceiling fan, my ear and eye exhibited a portion of the pain I was to feel though out the day. On the agenda today was stop by the bank and then to the pharmacy. As I got out of bed I noticed that my hands felt tight. I sat up to get a better look and sure enough they were swollen. As my feet touched the ground I felt the heaviness in them also. I headed for the bathroom and as I noticed in the mirror my face was swollen. What now?!? What was going on? After I got ready I called Dr. K.G.'s office to left them know about this new issue. I have only been taking the new thyroid medication for 5 days now. I spoke with the nurse and she said she would call me back after she explained everything to the doctor. A while later she called and said the doctor in the office said to stop taking the medication and wanted me to follow up with Dr K.G. tomorrow when he was back in the office.
   When I got to the pharmacy I asked the Pharmacist about this side effect. He said he had not heard of it being a big issue. Then again he said with all of the medication it could be a reaction from one of the non-active ingredients in the medication. Now my feet were really starting to hurt.
    This was it today. We came home and M wanted to play outside with the neighbors kids. I wanted to lay down. So I guess we settled and I laid my head down on the picnic table and she got to play. About 30 minutes later I asked the neighbor if she could watch her while I go and lay down. She was my angel for the day. I went to my comfy bed and laid down for the next 2 hours. M got back home and then J was off of work by this time. J's parents were headed back from NY, as rested in the patio chair and then all of the neighbors got home. S's husband made his famous Egg Rolls, which was so nice.
    My In-law's are leaving tomorrow and so we came in and went over all of my blood tests and some of the medication. I don't ever expect anyone to understand, because I don't. It's almost tomorrow and so we shall see what that brings.
     I spoke to the neighbor and my mom with tears in my eyes. I'm reaching my end, what more can I be handed and expected to deal with? Today I was thankful for the beautiful weather and wonderful neighbors.

Wasn't a "Good Friday" and the Easter Bunny was up early but I wanted to sleep in

   I awoke to my friend S in my bed telling me that everyone was starting to look for eggs. I dragged myself out of bed and prepared myself for the holiday. I got up with much ear pain and my left eye felt as if it wanted to take a break. J's parents have been very generous over that past couple of days.
   We had a really good Easter Dinner and the girls played outside all day, it was sunny and hot. I have had a bunch of pain but I sucked it up (with the help of medication) to keep it from getting out of control.
    On Saturday we were busy and that kicked my a@*. Tomorrow it will be M and myself. We can rest and get a few things done. Spring Break is next week, and I am thankful that we can just hang out.
    My grandma send me a scarf she made to protect my face from the wind. It was beautiful and I love knowing that for 37 years, she has been making me things. I love her so much.
    As we sat outside today, I got burnt. I think it was the medication that was not sun approved. Another lesson learned the hard way! So with my one good eye I got thorough the day successfully. I again am thankful for the friends and family I have.

A Not So Regular Thursday

   M and I got up and headed to her doctor appointment. I was told she has strep, what a fantastic parent I am. I always used to do that when B was little. Sent her to school when she was sick and keep her home and she would have nothing. We were going to the pharmacy to get her Rx and the littlest pebble smacked my windshield and created a crack. Booo!! I have had that car for around 5 years and the first crack.
   We got to the pharmacy and picked up both of our prescriptions, then headed home. As I took my new little pill (30 minutes before breakfast) I was kind of irritated with the amount of time and resources it took to figure out the thyroid issue. For 4 months I complained about my left arm and swollen collarbone. I mean they were able to diagnose a rare disease faster than that. I was joking with people today and saying that I was working my way through the medical encyclopedia. I'm at 'T'. I have to make a joke about it otherwise I become overwhelmed.
   We had family that came in today and was tired, maybe from preparing for their arrival. I'm relieved to know that we do not have to run off to see any sites. We went out to dinner and from what I recall J and I haven't been out to sit down in a restaurant in months. During dinner I had 2 little shocks in my ear, this was nothing compared to other times so it made for a enjoyable evening.

Yet Again Something Else!

   They always say that you only get hit be lighting once. I mean is that really true? Another saying is God doesn't give you more than you can handle. Is that true also? Well they must be otherwise they wouldn't be sayings.
   I welcomed a call from a Nurse Practitioner at Dr. K.G.'s office. She said they got my lastest blood results back. And surprise, my thyroid is lower that recommended, therefore they called in another pill to my pharmacy. Woopee! I was not so secretly excited about this. Maybe I'll be back to 110lbs. LOL! I expected to not be feeling well because of stopping Cymbalta, but other than mild facial and ear pain with some nausea that's all I got today. I took one of the Ibuprofen 800mg and that seemed to help. I was predicting so much worse so this is a nice surprise.
   It was so great outside today, in the 80's, I decided to go and get some mulch and miracle grow to spruce up my garden a bit. I went to Home Depot (yes, I forgot to tell J) and thought I was going to pass out from a heat stroke. I was so hot, so I found a very comfy patio set I thought I would try out. This lady comes up and asked if I was interested in this set. I told her no I was just so hot and tired. All of this said and done I got what I needed and headed home.
   M stayed home sick with a fever yesterday and the fever was gone today but the swelling in her throat was still present. Today was her Spring Fling Party at school and she did not want to miss it. When she came home I called her doctor Dr. J.G. and asked if her symptoms were appointment Worthy. They said we need to check for strep. Awesome!!! She said she feels fine but sounds like she has a bubble in her throat. In the morning we'll (meaning me) go take her to check.
   We have family flying in for the weekend tomorrow. We are kind of sucky hostesses, but at least J has off on Friday. They are fully aware of the mess going on here, at least people still want to come visit us.
   I got in the mail yesterday the inaugural edition of the TNA Quarterly. (Trigeminal Neuralgia, Facial Pain Association) It was amazing! One of the articles Can Face Pain Effect Your Identity? The lady who wrote this article is a big wig in treating TN. She talks about losing yourself to the disease. 'Before TN your identity was made of blended roles: parent, child, brother, sister...After TN, you may feel reduced to mostly a patient, who remembers being a person'. Wow, how true all of this was. The second article was more or less a review of a previous conference in Rochester. He was a person with TN, but the thing he said that stuck out was: ' So what did I learn this week? I guess I finally realized that I will never be "cured" of TN and it's more of "managing it'" going forward. And I guess I never thought of it that way.

April Showers Bring...Colds

   I am slowly getting my voice back and sadly gave M the cold back. My eye and ear were bothering me yesterday but I was feeling OK. I decided after I took M to school I should go and get the Lab Slip for the additional blood tests. While at the doctors office I thanked the lady I always speak with for being so accommodating when I call. She said I do not bother her at all, because when I call I am not rude or do not yell. On my way back home I thought I would go by the lab and check the wait time. There was no one in there and therefore decided to get it over with since I never know what tomorrow holds.
   Last night I was filled with anxiety after realizing that today I stop Cymbalta all together. It was also a rough one for M. She had a temperature of 102. She's the kind of kid that spikes and then her body works out the cold. She was busy talking to herself in her sleep all night. My poor baby, I was happy that I was there for her. This morning I woke up and got her some breakfast, she didn't have much of an appetite. So luckily I went to get my blood taken yesterday.
   I forget many things and to relay them to others. We were getting ready for bed and M told J that I got only 1 shot today. He asked me what she meant. I told him she was talking about the blood test. He said I didn't tell him I went, I could have swore I did. This is what worries me is if I forget to tell J where I'm off to and something happens, he would have no idea. I say this and then I forget to do it.

My How Time Flys

   I can say that the days seem to fly by. I couldn't tell you the date or the day most of the time. With no doctor appointments this week or last I got really lost. I had a good day today, little things pop up but not out of the ordinary my ordinary I should say. Traces of the virus are still lingering, but for the most part I'm feeling better from that. On Thursday night...I turned to see something on TV and forgot where I was going with that. Oh yeah, on this Thursday I stop the Cymbalta all together. Yuck!! I hope the Easter Bunny brings some sunshine and a bucket of feel good.
   Tomorrow I will try to go and get the lab slip for the blood tests. Since I do not need to to fast I can go anytime. The sooner the better. I wish the medication would not interfere with my short term memory. I know this would be better for J too. You ask me about 10 years ago and I can tell you what I was  wearing, but if you ask about yesterday I cannot recall it. I would get annoyed, and I'm sure it's hard on those close to me. I wish I could make it easier.   

I'm Alive!!!!

   I've never been addicted to drugs, drinking or smoking, but a taste of withdraw was fully experienced the past couple of days. It started off with the cold that I acquired from M. Wednesday night I could feel the imminent cold symptoms, but I could not have envisioned how I would feel the coming days.
   Thursday morning I barely opened my eyes after a night of congestion. I was nauseous and needed to eat at least a little something in order to take my medication. My voice was horse and when J called he said I sounded 'specatular'. I felt as if I had ended a 10-day drinking binge. I felt horrid!! I got M breakfast and went to lie back down. If only a truck would come and run me over, preferably on my right side. The congestion was so bad that the pressure was not doing my head any favors. I was trembling and sweating. My mom called to check on me and I know she was at a loss for words on a home remedy. She said she would call later to see how I was doing.
    By this time I actually thought I was going to die. What was going on?!? I call Dr. K.G.and spoke with the same girl as always. I was sobbing and with my voice she could hardly understand me. "K" a new nurse called back to see what advice he could give. Once I told him how I felt he said I could go to the emergency room. I asked if Dr. K.G was working and if he could consult with him and call me back. K called back quickly and was much more sympathetic. He said that I was also going through withdrawal from stepping down on the Cymbalta along with a virus. I told him the 1st time 'I am not asking for any pain medication I have that', and 'I have Phenergren for the nausea'. I just wanted to know do I take something for the nausea 1st, then the cold and pain or cold 1st and then see if I can keep that down. He sounded apologetic, which all I want is relief. When he called back he said to take cold medication to relieve the pressure in my head first. The virus would last about 7-10 days and the 1st couple of days stepping down were detoxing. Then next week when I stop the Cymbalta all together would feel the same sickness, but hopefully the virus would be gone. I feel bad because I  was crying and what could he do? When I see the reality shows that have an individual coming off of heroin or crack. Yeah that's what it was like minus the lights & cameras.
   Friday wasn't much better but as my mom told me, I already got through one day and had to look at that as positive. So I made it though the 2nd day too. I still have cold symptoms but I got up and called S to see if she would want to plant some bulbs with me before it started raining. I know I will pay for it later, but I was only mildly nauseous and not as congested. My body was still aching and I used my energy planting but I was happy I didn't feel as if I was on my deathbed today.
   I must say that I may cry in pain some days, but I am lucky that it isn't everyday. And I am grateful to be me with all of the support I have!

Today I took a sick day :)

   Waking up was a bit tough today, my energy is on the rather low side. This cold is not getting any better on this dingy day. I had a therapy appt with D.N. this afternoon. He said I was looking good (a welcomed compliment) and we started to catch up from the last 2 weeks. He said I should think about being an comedian, an advocate for education or mental health. Well I don't think I should be making any big decisions about my future career. I don't really know if we got to discuss anything. After a year and a half it doesn't feel like therapy so much as just checking in.
   I got home and checked the mail, something I rarely do. My lab results came, and I was a bit nervous to open it. I do not understand everything they were testing for, but I do my best to try and make sense of it. Hopefully if nothing else I will get some answers from this. Out of all of the things only 2 things were marked for follow up.  
   Protein Electro, Random Urine Protein, Total, Urine: The reference levels are 0.0-15.0 my levels are 25.7. Then Thyroxine (T4): The reference levels are 4.5-12.0 and mine was 3.7. I called Dr. K.G. and spoke with one of the ladies in the front office (she's familiar with who I am), she asked me to fax over the results and the doctor would call me back. Sweet Dr. K.G. calls back within the hour and puts my mind at ease. The protein would be discussed at a later time, not emergent he said. The thyroid needed additional testing. He said he would leave a Lab Slip at the front desk for the additional blood testing I need to do this week. Then we will talk about if we have to add another pill. Hooray! I told him that I will need to get a bigger pill container. We both chuckled and said our good-byes.
   One of my teachers Mr. J. called and invited me to a College Fair tonight. I told her it depends on how my cold progresses tonight. I did not end up making it, but I love that I have not ruined my possible chances of continuing my education. I was also able to catch up with my grandma today, which is always nice because I miss her. My neighbor S bought some flowered pots the other day and I told her it reminded me of my grandma's house. My grandma has had violia's in her front yard since I was little. A thoughtful pot of viola's were on my front porch the following day. Niceties such as this make me smile.

Spring is Blooming and I love it!

   Even though today is a rainy day, I think it is so pretty outside. The flowers are in bloom and the colors of the trees are radiant. With being allowed the time to spend outside yesterday afternooon I am itching for summer to arrive. That said, M caught a little cold again last week I was hoping were allergies. But I seem to has caught that. I feel worse this time, but at least I have the knowledge that I can take regular cold medicine now.
   I had the creepiest dreams last night. I am positive that the dreams were the result of all of the extra electricity I received yesterday. From what I could remember, the closest description would be similar to the movie Night of The Comet or 28 Days Later. Just strange and compeltely unrealistic.
   I left arm is very sore and so is my ear. I guess today is just one of thoes days.

Macabre Medical Monday

   I had a very busy day today. Most of it was good, but I was definitely traumatized today. I was so tired from not being able to sleep very well last night. I had my appointment with Dr. O.G. at 9:00am, so I had to get up early and get there. He asked me how I have been since our last appointment. I explained how I have felt panicky, anxious and paranoid. He said that I need to come back off of the Cymbalta. He sees' people that have the reaction such as I do. I guess it increases the adrenalin in the body and that is not the reaction that I needed. He said this might help with the recent problems I have been having. But I feel like I'm trading one side effect for another. My eye was cloudy and ear was aching today. We took a month to go up on the Cymbalta and we are only stepping down in 1 week. 
   I came home and S was outside, because her daughter wasn't feeling good overnight so she stayed home. I went and sat on the deck in the sun while the girls played. At least we had 2 hours until M had to be at school. 85 degrees outside and a perfect day.
   I took M to school and headed to the Neurologist. Boy am I happy that they have ottomans by some of their chairs. Since Dr. L-G was running 40 minutes late I could rest my eye(s). I had no idea what I was sitting there waiting for!! She calls me back and we go into a different room, our last visit was on the other side of the building. She has me lay down and explains that some are not bothered by the sensation and others say it hurts. Well that statement did not faze me until the test was started. She takes what I will call a mini defibrillator. She starts at my fingers on my left side. This isn't that bad, she takes little breaks and marks the spot, measures, enters something in the computer. She slowly moves up my arm, and it starts to get more uncomfortable as she gets to the area above my elbow and below my shoulder. Then just as I to recover from the shocks (20 or so times in 7 separate areas). She shocks my neck!!!!!! My arm flys up and I scream out! She quickly acts like nothing just happened. Then she explains that the next part feels like acupuncture. I have never had acupuncture nor do I ever plan to in the future. She places this little needle under the skin, touching the nerve and more electric shocks. All of this was over in 20 minutes. I cannot believe that I allowed myself to go throught that. I mean what just happened? She looks through the reports she printed and said I have some good news. I am always up for good news. "You don't have carpel tunnel or nerve damage, but the bad part is I don't know what it is yet." I explained that I saw Dr. O.G. this morning and that he changed my medication. She said then we have to go back also. So I am slowly working my way backwards :( She said to call in a few weeks and we will see if she needs to up the Tegretol. I can still hope for something good to come of the blood workup I had done.
   But this time M was ready to be picked up..and I was thinking I just couldn't believe how ugly that test was. Italked to my mom and I told her if I ever hear of anyone needing an EMG, I'm going to tell them how horrible it was. My arm was tired and my head was hurting. After we got home, we went back outside, I took pain medication and laid my head on a blanket in the grass while M played. I am wore out.

What A Wonderful Weekend

   Wow the weekend is over already and it was very nice. I am still stepping down on the one medication and will be completely done this Thursday. I noticed the step down in the past week, with the amount of anxiety I have really picked up on. My chest will tighten and I feel like my heart beats so hard and I cannot breathe. One deep breathe at a time and some good old self talk, it slowed down.
    Friday was a day that I had look forwarded to for months. Nordstorms was opening in the mall near my home. I had planned and said nothing was going to stop me from being present at 10am! 10 am!! Now as the universe tells me quite often lately, I don't get to be in charge of the schedule. Thursday night I wasn't feeling great, but got away with just taking another Ibuprofen 800mg. J left for work Friday morning and then came back. He ran over a screw and had to come back and get my van. I was soooo tired and couldn't seem to get motivated. Once again I completely forgot about the date. I go up and got going in time to take M to school. Came home and realized the day. I talked to my friend S and she wanted to be a part of the opening day too. We decided on a dinner date at the mall. Actually Nordstroms Dinner Date. We went into the over packed store and then ate at the Diner there, by the way it was very nice. I may be apart from my family but I have made some good friends here.
    Saturday I kinda of just hung out and paid for the busy day on Friday. I popped outside when everyone was out there but came back in and laid down. More head/ear pain, panic and anxiety.
   Sunday I woke up and knew I could not put off doing now all of the bathrooms. After I finished the master bath I was relieved, 2 more to go. Then I even mopped all of the floors. I went outside and S was out there, I wanted to see what she was up to. I know I will pay for all of the, scrubbing and mopping tomorrow. Where was my mom at times like these? :) But it was done and J didn't have to do it all by himself.
    Tomorrow I have 2 doctor appointments. Dr. O.G. (phyciatric) and Dr. L-G (neurologist). They are working together with the meds. So my plan is to ask Dr. O.G. to up one medication and down on another. I really like him but I never feel upset when I don't get my way with him. The after I drop M off to school I will head to Dr. L-G to to the needle nerve test. I'm not nervous,  just not looking forward to it.
 

Damn Dental Day

   I rouse early and looked over my TO DO LIST. I decided to call the dentist, great they had a cancellation in 20 minutes. That gave me no time to make excuses. I got there and they were very nice. After asking if I had any concerns, she started taking x-rays. The doctor came in and I told him about my 3 suspected teeth. He looked them over and said everything looked fine. Just follow up with a past issue. Nothing was falling out of my head, all of the bone looked good and no cavities. He suggested a night guard to help with the new grinding I'm doing when my head hurts. After all of that poking around I was done. The hygienist said she just needed to clean my teeth. Nope I was done, I explained that my mouth was done for the day. I would call to make another appointment to get my teeth cleaned. I think I'm going to have to take something before I go next time. At least I can rest now that I would not be toothless this week.
   It seemed as if the day just flew past from there. Good thing I could hardly keep my eyes open and it's only 4:30pm.

My Mind Is My Own Worst Enemy

   The past couple of days I have been so paranoid and anxious about everything. We are at the 3-4 week mark of some of the new medications actually starting to show it's effects. And I've been stepping down on another.
    I will be taking to J and whispering. He'll be like why are you whispering? I'll say 'I don't want anyone to hear me.' Like who is going to hear me? I'm in the house. I wake up and something doesn't feel right? That's when my mind starts running, not just sprinting but full on bolt. I'm convinced 3 different teeth in my mouth are loose. I even could tell you which ones #8, 20 & 13. I'm nervous to call the dentist, because I think they are going to know that I'm the one who cancelled at the last minute on Friday. I worry about Everything I read in the news. The Government shut-down and Japan. Things I can't do anything about.
   My neck hurts in 2 separate places, exactly where it would if someone was choking you. On the left side if I touch it, the pain goes all the way to my ear and my scalp. I think about S and I on our walk last night when we went past the abandoned freaky house. And that is just a sample of what my mind is doing to my smarts. I mean it's got to be the medication right?  I see Dr. O.G. and Dr. L-G on Monday, so I wrote it down so that I can ask them.
    I set my alarm for 2:20pm so that I'm not late to pick M up from school. My neck and ear were pounding so hard I could actually feel my teeth hitting against the ones' that I already thought were loose. So I laid down and woke up when my alarm went off. I saw that it was really windy outside and was going to need a hoodie to cover my ears. J had wanted me to drop off a box to a FedEx drop box when I took her to school. By the front door I remembered the box and my purse. Next thing I know I was out the door. That's all I remembered was the box and my purse. CRAP!! And why would I need keys to drive somewhere? Or a hoodie to keep the wind from my face. So I walked to the school. Picture this: I had the box and ever so fashionable coach bag and.....my blue 'Angry Birds' shirt that my friend got me walking to the elementary school. Well I got back in the house after getting a ride back home from S who unlocked the door and seems to save me from myself. I felt horrible and she said to plan on walking 'There are no sick days in walking'. After dinner I took Ibuprofen 800mg, so at 7:30ish armed with my pepper spray we went out to walk, for some exercise I need to get. The past 2 night my friend S and I have gone for a walk. Last night I was nauseous and went anyways and tonight my head/neck was causing much agony. I was proud of myself. Walking...it's a start right?  I will be very happy to got to bed tonight.

I couldn't ask for more

   Last week I recieved a surprise box from my sweet cousin in California. I called it a feel better box. It had some of my favorite snacks in it. A disguise glasses and nose with a note that said 'This is for when you don't feel like yourself and want to be someone else'. A fairy with a note 'A Good Fairy to watch over you' and fairy dust 'Fairy Dust you asked for to take the pain away (I had to kick some fairy ass to get this)'. It made my day, she's funny and thoughtful. But I don't want to forget all of my neighbors who are always there for us too. This weekend was really nice. Slight to no pain, yeah!! Yesterday was great, being able to sit outside and hang out with everyone. We even got ice cream from the creepy ice cream man. Actually I couldn't tell you what he looked like because I was so excited for the strawberry shortcake bar :). But getting to spend time with friends was fun.
   Next week I have 3 doctors appt and one is with the neurologist for a test called Needle Electromyography. Well that sounds like fun. I had J help me make a list of To Do things for the week since I do not have any doctor appointments.
   As I went to bed last night, the pain in my ear had the nerve to show it's face. I was exausted from the day and it took awhile to fall asleep. I dreamt of pain, or maybe I was really in pain. I got up this morning and looked at my To Do list: Blood Tests' was written at the top. My ear was slightly aching and my face was numb again. Since I had to fast for the test I thought I might as well do it today. We got there at the perfect time, but I got a new girl and she says loudly "This is alot of tests they are asking for, I can't wait to see how much blood it takes." So I'm glad there was some privacy involved. LOL! She was also the one to draw blood, remember I said NEW girl. We go back and I did not want my left arm touched. She barely got 2 vials and said your vein poped. She had to do the left arm, that went faster and 3 more vials. After the urine test I was done. Aaaaahhh! I promised M she could get Dunkin Donuts. By this time my nose was also numb along with my arm. But today there was no swelling in my collarbone area. The pain was increasing in my ear and feels like it needs to pop. My left eye is very cloudy today, which usually happens when the numbness surfaces in my face. We'll see how the day goes.
 

Just when I think I'm used to the meds and then...

   Today on a scale of 1-10 was an 7, bordering on an 8. When I woke up I thought I got elbowed in the face, but no proof to blame J. :) I saw the neighbor was ready to leave to take her daughter to ballet. So I went with. When I got home J, M and I went to the mall. I haven't been there on forever. I realized that I don't like all of the smells throughout the mall. At least M got to sit on the Easter Bunny's lap.
   I have pain but today it was tolerable. And we needed to get some running around done. Overall it was the first good day that I have had in a long time. I really was thankful, even for the small things in life. I was there walking around like a regular person. I did it today so I hope that I can do it tomorrow.
   I'm working on my goal list from my therapist and called all kinds of places to work out that also have trainers. Nothing too impressive. But I followed though.
   The only weird thing that happened was that we are in the store and 2 separate times I stopped and thought I was seeing some weird models standing too close to me, only to find out that it was real men. These guys must have thought why is she staring at me. It felt like a hallucination. I feel like I'm doing good but all of the medication is still screwing up my mind. I just want to be the kind, funny and caring Ali. Now I seem in a permanently lost stage. I don't see any doctors this coming week, not until the next week. Boo.
                                       

April Fool's Day Does Not Mean Act Like A Fool

   I felt horrible today, and I woke up at like 7ish and remembered about the dental appointment. I called and spoke with someone but didn't cancel the appointments, how odd. So I then called back with what seemed like 2 hours but was only 15 mins or so and canceled them. I had no business being out on the road. This was one of the peculiar moves of the day. The second was when I went to pick M up from school. I crossed the little road and the crossing guard pointed out that I was walking in the wrong direction. Thank goodness for those who know that I'm not really stupid and help out.
   Just the feeling of pain in my ear and again with my stomach. I don't know why I feel nauseous, and I hope it goes away soon, but I have pills for that too. I have only had one good day this week. Like the morning I went to get my hair cut and the Dover day, two half =one full. I hope that this turns around and I can blame it on the weather. So today was not exciting just a gloomy sick day.