Well I tried my plan and it was tough. Today was my big 'Meet and Greet' with the Senators and Representatives at the Legislative Hall in Dover. I only had to drive 5 minutes to meet the sweet lady that drove us down there. I kept telling myself that I was going to not hurt. I had a good nights rest the night before and ate a good breakfast. I did not take the tegretol so that my mind would be fresh. We were on our was down there and I thought I was going to throw up. I don't know if it was the ride or not taking my medication. We arrived at a beautiful piece of American History. This building was soo old and the detail was gorgeous.
As we got inside there were quite a few people. We got our lunch and sat down. 1st student to speak was yours truly. We were there for such an important issue, to ask that they do not pull funding from adult education. I felt good while we were there.
As soon as we were getting ready to leave I started to panic. I didn't want the drive home to be the same as the drive there. I took one xanax, but that did not help. I was hot and sitting there was making me sweat. I was rather quiet in my thoughts about not wanting to get sick. As soon as I got dropped off and in my car the feeling started to fade. What was going on? Was it because I didn't take all of my meds or I'm just hyper-sensitive to motion now? Breathing didn't work, I talk myself out of throwing up in her car. This was horrible and I felt so bad. I was so thankful to be invited I didn't want to look bad.
I came home as my head, ear and neck were killing me. I took a 1/2 of vicoden. I didn't get up all night. I'm supposed to have the dental appointment in the morning, but I'm going to have to call and reschedule. J even agreed it might not be the best day. The day is finally over and time to rest my eyes and head.
Again good with the bad!
ATN
Wear Teal
Thursday, March 31, 2011
Wednesday, March 30, 2011
There is no subject
I woke up yesterday feeling good. Pain was under control, with Thursday 2 days away I decided to get my hair trimmed. I called my usual girl, she was out and is usually booked up. Something I hadn't thought about before, so I went to a friends girl. You never realized how much they pull or touch your face. It didn't take that long but it felt like an all day event. Done.
This morning I woke up and felt as if I was womped on the left side of my head. Had a therapy visit today. I have a new goal, I would like to go back to work and school. But because that is no possible right now I am going to look for a place to go and work out with a trainer. This would been so that I get motivated and working out is forgiving.
I made an appointment on Friday for Madison and I to go to the Dentist. I am going to go onto the TNA website and look at some hints on Dental Treatment.
I was invited for a Meet and Greet with lunch at the Legislative Hall in Dover tomorrow. The Curriculum Director and another lady offered to let me ride with them. This is an awesome opportunity to speak about the need of continued support for Adult Education in Delaware. Even though I do not know the extent pain I will have tomorrow, mind over mood, I'm going to wish for the best. This is something so important to me, and no dumb illness is going to hold me back.
This morning I woke up and felt as if I was womped on the left side of my head. Had a therapy visit today. I have a new goal, I would like to go back to work and school. But because that is no possible right now I am going to look for a place to go and work out with a trainer. This would been so that I get motivated and working out is forgiving.
I made an appointment on Friday for Madison and I to go to the Dentist. I am going to go onto the TNA website and look at some hints on Dental Treatment.
I was invited for a Meet and Greet with lunch at the Legislative Hall in Dover tomorrow. The Curriculum Director and another lady offered to let me ride with them. This is an awesome opportunity to speak about the need of continued support for Adult Education in Delaware. Even though I do not know the extent pain I will have tomorrow, mind over mood, I'm going to wish for the best. This is something so important to me, and no dumb illness is going to hold me back.
Sunday, March 27, 2011
Just hanging, somewhere
I feel like I am on the sidelines. Just waiting to be called into the game. I guess if I ever played sports this is what it feels like. Here I am waiting..waiting for what? I got the biggest of the news, I pretty much knew but having the doctor tell you to your face is hard. I went online and from this website for facial pain. I guess they are having a big seminar in May. It's down in Virginia about 4 1/2 hours away.
I've been having pain in my teeth. As I read this is normal with one of the big nerves that controls all of your teeth. Even know I don't have any cavities (I did work in the dental field for 9 years), but I want to see it on x-rays for myself. It's crazy to think of how the nerves work in your head.
I am very scared to think about what my quality of life will be like. Maybe not so much mine but J's, Now I don't want to make him feel we can't ever plan to got out or done anything. That's a huge load to carry on ones' shoulders. We were always busy...a TO DO list every weekend. Now I don't want to go out for long in fear of pain. I was invited 2 months ago to do down to Dover with 4 others and have lunch in the Legislative Room to let them know how important it is to keep funding for Adult Education. Wow! I was so honored. I mean who gets to do stuff like that? What have I lost? I have only 1 appointment this week, so if I take it easy I am going. The District Curriculiam Director is providing transportation for me. I would be very angry at myself is I didn't go. Oh yeah, call M's Academy and ask if I could bring her on Thursday.
I think about what I did, took or drank in the past that has caused my brain to react this way. Maybe it was the combination of something I got from my mom and dad. Then will I pass if off the the girls? I can't settle with the exploitation that things that happen. There has got to be a reason. Why? I guess this is just hard for me to believe. And we still aren't done. My grandma says that I shouldn't own it? How do you do that? I know that I came up with some more questions for Dr. K.G. but I forgot to write them down, when I remember I will have to e-mail him.
I wish that I could describe to you exactly what pain and sensations I feel. My lips and scalp start to feel numb. My ear usually feel like I shoved something in it then got smacked on the side of my head. My neck if pushed on the swollen part is like I am being choked. My left arm aches and my fingers are often numb. Sorry this weekend was hard and so I am in the whoa is me mood.
I've been having pain in my teeth. As I read this is normal with one of the big nerves that controls all of your teeth. Even know I don't have any cavities (I did work in the dental field for 9 years), but I want to see it on x-rays for myself. It's crazy to think of how the nerves work in your head.
I am very scared to think about what my quality of life will be like. Maybe not so much mine but J's, Now I don't want to make him feel we can't ever plan to got out or done anything. That's a huge load to carry on ones' shoulders. We were always busy...a TO DO list every weekend. Now I don't want to go out for long in fear of pain. I was invited 2 months ago to do down to Dover with 4 others and have lunch in the Legislative Room to let them know how important it is to keep funding for Adult Education. Wow! I was so honored. I mean who gets to do stuff like that? What have I lost? I have only 1 appointment this week, so if I take it easy I am going. The District Curriculiam Director is providing transportation for me. I would be very angry at myself is I didn't go. Oh yeah, call M's Academy and ask if I could bring her on Thursday.
I think about what I did, took or drank in the past that has caused my brain to react this way. Maybe it was the combination of something I got from my mom and dad. Then will I pass if off the the girls? I can't settle with the exploitation that things that happen. There has got to be a reason. Why? I guess this is just hard for me to believe. And we still aren't done. My grandma says that I shouldn't own it? How do you do that? I know that I came up with some more questions for Dr. K.G. but I forgot to write them down, when I remember I will have to e-mail him.
I wish that I could describe to you exactly what pain and sensations I feel. My lips and scalp start to feel numb. My ear usually feel like I shoved something in it then got smacked on the side of my head. My neck if pushed on the swollen part is like I am being choked. My left arm aches and my fingers are often numb. Sorry this weekend was hard and so I am in the whoa is me mood.
Friday, March 25, 2011
A day in the life of me
It's a fairly nice day outside, sunny but windy and cold. I have a lot of pain today and am a little down. I started to look more into 'Chorea', one of the causes is Huntington's Disease. Ok I shouldn't have read anything else, it talked about dementia. That's hard to swallow.
Thursday, March 24, 2011
Something Else?!? Really?
Yesterday felt like a busy day. J was able to make it to my Neurologist appt (Dr. L-G) with me. I was prepared, so I thought. It was raining and dreary outside. I was sore and not feeling that great. We sat down in this big, but cluttered office. This was it, she held the answers!! I got out my purple steno pad for notes. I started off by telling her about not being able to get in, and she said Mr. Medical Secretary is being relocated in the office. She has been getting 2-3 complaints a day. I felt a twinge of justice. Hey, at least I can admit it. She seemed as prepared as I felt. After confirming the diagnosis of Atypical Trigeminal Neuralgia, we were assured that it was not a tumor or MS, positive news. We talked about the good ol' Nurse Practitioner. I think she was confident that I shouldn't have been seeing her all along. Then we went into the real questions about the disease and my quality of life. Everything I read and she was telling me was 'I'm not sure'. I'm a planner, or was and so this is hard for me to swallow. I want to know exactly how long I will deal with the pain, when it will end, when it will return. None of this can be answered with a rare disease. As of yet I have had no need to jot down anything. I found myself starring off trying to make out her degrees on the wall behind her. Not done very well without my glasses. You know I did get the degree class last week from Dr. O.G. :) She starts throwing out numbers and percentage to us about patients. She claims to have 70 patients that she treats with TN. This number seems very high for later in my blog. Finally we start taking about medication. She doesn't understand why I am on the Anytriptline because that is the same as another medication I've been on. It will take one month to step down, but at least it's the 1st great thing I've heard since we've been there (I'm still happy secretly about the soon to be relocated employee). Then she lets me know that the Cymbalta is similar too. It would serve as 1 drug that would also double as another. The list is getting shorter, I'm happy. Oh crap, I haven't taken any notes, I hope J is remembering this. Even better yet Dr. L-G is writing it down. Checking things off of my mental list, complain about not getting in (check), ask to be taken off of some medication (check), now we need to discuss the swelling. She looks at it and I guess has been watching me the whole time. She suggested doing an EMG (?!?), and kept calling it a 'Chorea'. Mmmm Chinese food sounds good! Kidding. She's also called for 17 more things she wants to test for through a blood test. She said she thinks it is not related to the TN, but an Auto-Immune Disease. So we walked out with another prescription but for the (in case) times when the pain gets unmanageable at home. Rather than make another ER visit I need to learn to manage the pain through medication or surgery, 9 or so months down the road. I will see her again in June after all of the tests are done to see what she thinks.
Last night was the Webnair that John Hopkins was putting on. It was about surgery options that they perform. Each one of them had possible side effects that were worse that the one before. Each of them included permanent numbness of some kind, hearing loss, right foot something or other, stroke or even death. This is based off of 1200 surgeries you know! Then there was a Q and A session after in which 2 of my questions we answered. But someone actually asked if one day the surgery will be done by a robot? J and I were like WTF?! A robot? So I'm not sold at all on the surgery.
This morning I went to see Dr. K.G. and shared everything with him. He took out his iPhone and said he would like to forward me some more stuff. I will go in for Vitamin D and Cholesterol rechecking and back in June.
It's almost April but June is still 2 months away and in the meanwhile I feel lost.
Last night was the Webnair that John Hopkins was putting on. It was about surgery options that they perform. Each one of them had possible side effects that were worse that the one before. Each of them included permanent numbness of some kind, hearing loss, right foot something or other, stroke or even death. This is based off of 1200 surgeries you know! Then there was a Q and A session after in which 2 of my questions we answered. But someone actually asked if one day the surgery will be done by a robot? J and I were like WTF?! A robot? So I'm not sold at all on the surgery.
This morning I went to see Dr. K.G. and shared everything with him. He took out his iPhone and said he would like to forward me some more stuff. I will go in for Vitamin D and Cholesterol rechecking and back in June.
It's almost April but June is still 2 months away and in the meanwhile I feel lost.
Tuesday, March 22, 2011
Everything Sounds So Easy
When you tell someone else to do something more times than not you think, 'Why didn't they do this? It sounds so easy.' But when you are the person who was told you realize, this is harder than you think. I have my appointment with the old neurologist tomorrow. Thankfully J is going with me, the last thing I need is to say something or yet nothing and get myself more pills. Something I seem to be really good at these days.
I wish I could portray my dream(s) last night. Everything was so colorful, so many people were in it and yet it was euphoric. Things that would normally upset me...didn't. Aww to be so happy in a world with all of the personages that I would normally not even want to think about. It's strange how medication can cause you to dream differently. I wonder what or why we dream what we do? I'm funny, I should really be working on other things, but again I get side tracked so easily.
This cold in lingering. I was coughing last night and I must have kept J up because I had a fresh glass of water this morning. I don't know what to take at night for it. Actually I would rather not take anything else. I've also been working on my diet, no pop or added sugar. I've only lost 1 pound, but at least I haven't gained! When we were getting cereal this morning M kept saying "the doctor said no sugar". She a good reminder, but I already remembered.
This all sounds so uncomplicated but let me list the things I am working on/dealing with. My Vitamin D 25-Hydroxy level is 12.8 (should be 32-100), Cholesterol is above normal limits at 237, aloing with my HDL 47, LDL 156 and Triglycerides 171. That's it for the blood tests. My left ear started hurting at the end of November. I called my family doctor and spoke with a nurse, she said I didn't sound like I needed to bee seen. I gave it 2 weeks with the pain growing and was finally given an appointment. I was treated for an ear infection/grey matter in my ear. I returned in 10 days with no relief, I was then given a referral to an ENT. January 18th I was seen and told I needed to come in for a series of test and the first MRI. After the MRI I was in such pain I could barely drive home. The 1st of the next week I went in for 3-4 hours of hearing tests. As I was driving home within 5 minutes from leaving the office the left side of my face went numb. The ENT then referred me to the Neurologist for the rest of the blood and other tests. The imaging results were fine for the MRA of my Head, MRI of the Cervical Spine showed: Very minimal disc degenerative changes, most prominent at the level of C-3-C-4, where right-sided unconvertebral suprring resluts in mild right-sided neuroforaminal narrowing, MRI of Brain with Contrast showed: Increased number of visible, but enlarged cervical lymph nodes bilaterally, I have panic disorder and anxiety and last but not least sleep resistance. Waalaaa!
I know that I complain and think 1 doctor can fix it all, but on the other hand I need to be realistic about my care. I am thankful that I am as far as I am.
I wish I could portray my dream(s) last night. Everything was so colorful, so many people were in it and yet it was euphoric. Things that would normally upset me...didn't. Aww to be so happy in a world with all of the personages that I would normally not even want to think about. It's strange how medication can cause you to dream differently. I wonder what or why we dream what we do? I'm funny, I should really be working on other things, but again I get side tracked so easily.
This cold in lingering. I was coughing last night and I must have kept J up because I had a fresh glass of water this morning. I don't know what to take at night for it. Actually I would rather not take anything else. I've also been working on my diet, no pop or added sugar. I've only lost 1 pound, but at least I haven't gained! When we were getting cereal this morning M kept saying "the doctor said no sugar". She a good reminder, but I already remembered.
This all sounds so uncomplicated but let me list the things I am working on/dealing with. My Vitamin D 25-Hydroxy level is 12.8 (should be 32-100), Cholesterol is above normal limits at 237, aloing with my HDL 47, LDL 156 and Triglycerides 171. That's it for the blood tests. My left ear started hurting at the end of November. I called my family doctor and spoke with a nurse, she said I didn't sound like I needed to bee seen. I gave it 2 weeks with the pain growing and was finally given an appointment. I was treated for an ear infection/grey matter in my ear. I returned in 10 days with no relief, I was then given a referral to an ENT. January 18th I was seen and told I needed to come in for a series of test and the first MRI. After the MRI I was in such pain I could barely drive home. The 1st of the next week I went in for 3-4 hours of hearing tests. As I was driving home within 5 minutes from leaving the office the left side of my face went numb. The ENT then referred me to the Neurologist for the rest of the blood and other tests. The imaging results were fine for the MRA of my Head, MRI of the Cervical Spine showed: Very minimal disc degenerative changes, most prominent at the level of C-3-C-4, where right-sided unconvertebral suprring resluts in mild right-sided neuroforaminal narrowing, MRI of Brain with Contrast showed: Increased number of visible, but enlarged cervical lymph nodes bilaterally, I have panic disorder and anxiety and last but not least sleep resistance. Waalaaa!
I know that I complain and think 1 doctor can fix it all, but on the other hand I need to be realistic about my care. I am thankful that I am as far as I am.
Monday, March 21, 2011
Productive Monday
I coughed all night, but I woke up and my head wasn't killing me. I can still feel where the pain is but it covered itself up today. That's where the productive part enters. I was able to actually make a call that I have been putting off for 6 months. After all of that time it still sucked but turned out ok overall.
So with all of my confidence in my back pocket I thought I would give the old neurologist a call AGAIN to see if I could get in sooner. I called and left another message for their medical secretary. This is a huge practice. They have about 10 doctors, so all you get when calling is a maze of "press 1 or press 2". It took me a few times, then I finally got a person, and I asked for the office manager. 'Another voicemail', I left my name and a short message. Within 15 minutes the Practice Administrator calls to find out what's going on. With my voice almost gone I give her the quick version...couldn't see a doctor...have all of these pills...can't even get a call back...don't know what to do. She asks if she can call me right back and so she did, with an appointment on Wednesday mid-day! I was told last week from one of the doctors 'out of anyone you are probably getting the best care, and it's because you are likeable'. Now I just need for everyone in the medical field to L-O-V-E me and then I would be cured. I'm not sure what the day holds for Mr. Medical Secretary, but in truth I could care less if he gets in trouble. I'm not putting any hope in them, but they are the only people that can reduce the medication that their nurse practitioner gave me.
So with all of my confidence in my back pocket I thought I would give the old neurologist a call AGAIN to see if I could get in sooner. I called and left another message for their medical secretary. This is a huge practice. They have about 10 doctors, so all you get when calling is a maze of "press 1 or press 2". It took me a few times, then I finally got a person, and I asked for the office manager. 'Another voicemail', I left my name and a short message. Within 15 minutes the Practice Administrator calls to find out what's going on. With my voice almost gone I give her the quick version...couldn't see a doctor...have all of these pills...can't even get a call back...don't know what to do. She asks if she can call me right back and so she did, with an appointment on Wednesday mid-day! I was told last week from one of the doctors 'out of anyone you are probably getting the best care, and it's because you are likeable'. Now I just need for everyone in the medical field to L-O-V-E me and then I would be cured. I'm not sure what the day holds for Mr. Medical Secretary, but in truth I could care less if he gets in trouble. I'm not putting any hope in them, but they are the only people that can reduce the medication that their nurse practitioner gave me.
Sunday, March 20, 2011
Confused
So the weekend was one well welcomed. The weather was beautiful and I was able to enjoy a little of the sky's natural Vitamin D.
I caught this damn cold, I think I said that in my last post. I was afraid that my head would start to hurt so bad, being all stuffed up. Why does it always seem to happen on weekends? Well I wasn't the only one trying to figure out what is going on. Now this was a first for me, but Dr. K. G. e-mailed me several different links about illnesses. I can now officially say I trust him and I feel like he really cares about the outcome. I mean yeah he's learning a lot along the road; but he's not a neurologist he's a really great family doctor. All of the information that he sent was from all over the world, and none of it was very good. So that is really making an examplee of the good with the bad.
I was able to do some things around the house this weekend. I don't think I went anywhere except with my friend to Lowe's. I had a couple of good hours on Friday and Saturday. I think that my pain tolerance is getting higher, because I can do more even though I might be hurting. I just find a different way to do things, like bend down a different way, turn slowly. I don't want anyone to think I'm always in the house and in bed, even though that's where I am. I have been able to run to the grocery store to get a couple of things. Sadly I only have a couple of hours of "Good Time", so I try to get everything done. And I got 1/2 of the bathroom cleaned. This week I only have 1 doctor's appt.
So what I am confused about was a question that my dad brought up. If I've have a couple of good days then what's working. I was given so many different new things to take what is working and what's not. I mean it could be 1 pill. But until I can get back ahold of the neurologist then I will continue taking 18 pills a day.
I caught this damn cold, I think I said that in my last post. I was afraid that my head would start to hurt so bad, being all stuffed up. Why does it always seem to happen on weekends? Well I wasn't the only one trying to figure out what is going on. Now this was a first for me, but Dr. K. G. e-mailed me several different links about illnesses. I can now officially say I trust him and I feel like he really cares about the outcome. I mean yeah he's learning a lot along the road; but he's not a neurologist he's a really great family doctor. All of the information that he sent was from all over the world, and none of it was very good. So that is really making an examplee of the good with the bad.
I was able to do some things around the house this weekend. I don't think I went anywhere except with my friend to Lowe's. I had a couple of good hours on Friday and Saturday. I think that my pain tolerance is getting higher, because I can do more even though I might be hurting. I just find a different way to do things, like bend down a different way, turn slowly. I don't want anyone to think I'm always in the house and in bed, even though that's where I am. I have been able to run to the grocery store to get a couple of things. Sadly I only have a couple of hours of "Good Time", so I try to get everything done. And I got 1/2 of the bathroom cleaned. This week I only have 1 doctor's appt.
So what I am confused about was a question that my dad brought up. If I've have a couple of good days then what's working. I was given so many different new things to take what is working and what's not. I mean it could be 1 pill. But until I can get back ahold of the neurologist then I will continue taking 18 pills a day.
Friday, March 18, 2011
My goal was to get the ok...
I have had a busy week. On Wednesday I went to Dr O.G. at 8:15am. Presented the idea of Dr. R. to him. We then had about a 20 minute conversation about medical degrees. Also he said he would in no way turn over my care to another doctor. Well thank goodness that I didn't need the referral from him. I talked to J on Tuesday night and I was going to go to all of the appointments and let them know I wanted to get off all of the medication. 1st appointment down and I ended up getting something else from Dr. O. G. I wasn't sure completely why, what was this going to do for me? I need an advocate, the 1st time in my life and I wasn't able to speak for myself. In addition I presented that I was at my heaviest EVER, EVER!! He look back at my records and said last May I was 2 lbs heavier. So that argument didn't work. And I left with my bag full of samples to add with my collection of pills.
My next appointment wasn't until 9:50 so M and I stopped by Dunkin Donuts and then went to my old job that was down the street. I took them by surprise walking in there. The owner was so uncomfortable he got his stuff gathered and said he had to run to the bank. Quickly breezed past me and asked how I was doing. He knows that he didn't do the right thing by not letting me try to finish out my 2 weeks. From there we were off to the next visit.
Signed in for my appt with Dr. K. G. and I know they set aside 30 minutes for me to talk to him. He came in and always presents himself so concerned. He addressed my visit to the ER the previous Friday. I trust his opinion and can only hope that he has my best interest in mind. From there we went over my issues with the neurologist and Dr. R.. I'm losing my touch because he wouldn't buy it either. I asked his true personal opinion and she said, 'There was nothing to back up the promises that Dr. R was offering. He wasn't saying no, but he wasn't saying yes either'. He did say he WASN'T willing to sign over all everything to them so they could take care of it in-house with their doctor. Next came my Vitamin D level. Because it was so low I managed to get myself another prescription for 50,000IU of Vit D a week. 50,000!!! That number is CRAZY. I was nervous about what he was going to say about my HDL and LDL levels. I promised him that I would work on changing my diet & working out and we would retest in 3-4 months, if it wasn't better then I add another little pill to my ever growing collection. He said that he was going to email his friend Dr. D (a new neurologist) to see if I could get in before June.
All of this blows my mind. I know all of this pills can't be good for my system long term, but yet no one is giving me any answers. it's sooo frustrating.
I came home after a full day and fell asleep at 9:30pm. My head was throbbing. I awoke at 2am and all I could think about was going downstairs and getting a coke and drinking the entire thing, because I was told not to. I took my little snitch M with me to the first 2 appointments and she kept telling me how I can't have and pop, added sugar or fat of any kind. She'll be going with me to my appointment next week and tell if I cheat on my new diet. I guess it's good and bad. LOL.
Yesterday, the real Thursday my head was killing me. It was St. Patty's day and M wanted me to come to the party at her school. BIG MISTAKE! 27 little kids screaming and running around.
So that brings be to Friday. I caught the neighborhood cold. Yuck!! A head cold is the last thing I wanted. I was sick and not wanting to take anything more. Another week has gone by and I'm no further than before. Aaaahhh!
My next appointment wasn't until 9:50 so M and I stopped by Dunkin Donuts and then went to my old job that was down the street. I took them by surprise walking in there. The owner was so uncomfortable he got his stuff gathered and said he had to run to the bank. Quickly breezed past me and asked how I was doing. He knows that he didn't do the right thing by not letting me try to finish out my 2 weeks. From there we were off to the next visit.
Signed in for my appt with Dr. K. G. and I know they set aside 30 minutes for me to talk to him. He came in and always presents himself so concerned. He addressed my visit to the ER the previous Friday. I trust his opinion and can only hope that he has my best interest in mind. From there we went over my issues with the neurologist and Dr. R.. I'm losing my touch because he wouldn't buy it either. I asked his true personal opinion and she said, 'There was nothing to back up the promises that Dr. R was offering. He wasn't saying no, but he wasn't saying yes either'. He did say he WASN'T willing to sign over all everything to them so they could take care of it in-house with their doctor. Next came my Vitamin D level. Because it was so low I managed to get myself another prescription for 50,000IU of Vit D a week. 50,000!!! That number is CRAZY. I was nervous about what he was going to say about my HDL and LDL levels. I promised him that I would work on changing my diet & working out and we would retest in 3-4 months, if it wasn't better then I add another little pill to my ever growing collection. He said that he was going to email his friend Dr. D (a new neurologist) to see if I could get in before June.
All of this blows my mind. I know all of this pills can't be good for my system long term, but yet no one is giving me any answers. it's sooo frustrating.
I came home after a full day and fell asleep at 9:30pm. My head was throbbing. I awoke at 2am and all I could think about was going downstairs and getting a coke and drinking the entire thing, because I was told not to. I took my little snitch M with me to the first 2 appointments and she kept telling me how I can't have and pop, added sugar or fat of any kind. She'll be going with me to my appointment next week and tell if I cheat on my new diet. I guess it's good and bad. LOL.
Yesterday, the real Thursday my head was killing me. It was St. Patty's day and M wanted me to come to the party at her school. BIG MISTAKE! 27 little kids screaming and running around.
So that brings be to Friday. I caught the neighborhood cold. Yuck!! A head cold is the last thing I wanted. I was sick and not wanting to take anything more. Another week has gone by and I'm no further than before. Aaaahhh!
Tuesday, March 15, 2011
I thought today was Thursday.
I woke up and felt good. About freaking time!! My colarbone was swollen and therefore my arm was aching, but if that was all that I had to complain about then I was golden. I was anxiously awaiting my appointment with the Chriopractic Neurlolgist. I got M off to school, and came back to tackle a few chores that have been put off for the past week or so. I sat down on the bed and saw that I had not had a chance to glance through the Sunday paper yet. Now the Sunday paper and I have a unusual relationship. I have to look at the paper before anyone touches it. When I was younger I used to live with my Aunt & Grandma, and it was all about the ads that came in the Sunday paper. Brand new items ON SALE!! Well lets just say we had an understanding in my house. I guess where I was going with that is that I missed the last couple of weeks. I was happy that I was actually about to look at it. How easily I got off of the point of the chores I have been putting off. See how that happens :) Cleaning my bathroom. EVERYDAY I wake up and tell myself I need to clean the bathroom today. That's my plan, that's what I am going to do today while I feel ok. When I feel ok I spend my time doing something not so important. At the end of the day the masterbath did not get cleaned :(
My head and ear were beginning to feel the stabbing pain. Good thing J was on his way home. Laying my head back before we went to pick up M from school helped a little. Maybe I have a big head and it gets too heavy for my shoulders. I'm kidding.
We headed off to the consultation with the new doctor. Dr. R. Thank goodness J looked up the directions, because I had overlooked that small detail. It started off smooth. We were 20 minutes early and the wait was short. He came waltzing in and asked me what was wrong. Perfect! He wanted to listen about the road I had been down in the last 3 or so odd months.Then he started to go through my test records and said 'uh huh' I told him that I didn't like the sound of that. He then explained to me that he was courious why I had so many tests done, and that said to him that whomever ordered them wasn't sure what they were looking for. Then he looked at me and asked 'Do you want to get off all of the medicine?' I wanted to jump up and scream hell yeah!! Then had me sit upon the examing table. The 1st thing he looked at was my swelling on my collarbone, and he did some other little exams things. He said 'I can help you get better and get off all of the medication'. Well count me in. He explained that there was a dysfuction in the right side of my brain. But he wanted to do a x-ray of my spine and get more in depth next time. So maybe his way is a little bit unorthodox but hey I said I was willing to try anything. I have to run this past Dr. G and Dr. G tomorrow and then it's a go. I made an appointment for next Tuesday. We'll see what they say tomorrow.
-A
My head and ear were beginning to feel the stabbing pain. Good thing J was on his way home. Laying my head back before we went to pick up M from school helped a little. Maybe I have a big head and it gets too heavy for my shoulders. I'm kidding.
We headed off to the consultation with the new doctor. Dr. R. Thank goodness J looked up the directions, because I had overlooked that small detail. It started off smooth. We were 20 minutes early and the wait was short. He came waltzing in and asked me what was wrong. Perfect! He wanted to listen about the road I had been down in the last 3 or so odd months.Then he started to go through my test records and said 'uh huh' I told him that I didn't like the sound of that. He then explained to me that he was courious why I had so many tests done, and that said to him that whomever ordered them wasn't sure what they were looking for. Then he looked at me and asked 'Do you want to get off all of the medicine?' I wanted to jump up and scream hell yeah!! Then had me sit upon the examing table. The 1st thing he looked at was my swelling on my collarbone, and he did some other little exams things. He said 'I can help you get better and get off all of the medication'. Well count me in. He explained that there was a dysfuction in the right side of my brain. But he wanted to do a x-ray of my spine and get more in depth next time. So maybe his way is a little bit unorthodox but hey I said I was willing to try anything. I have to run this past Dr. G and Dr. G tomorrow and then it's a go. I made an appointment for next Tuesday. We'll see what they say tomorrow.
-A
Monday, March 14, 2011
Start of a Busy Week
I am a very stubborn person and if I have something in my mind, I want to know why? Why don't I feel good? What caused all of this? Why doesn't one of these doctors have a diagnosis yet? I have an appt with a new Chiropatic Neurologist tomorrow. J is going to be able to take off and go with me. I am so happy about that. I am also going to read more about homeopathic remedies. You never know!
The swelling on my collarbone is down today, which I'm starting to think is really connected to my arm. I woke up this morning and felt ok, but as the day goes on the pain in my ear and head came back. I took a xanax and then I started to feel nauseous. YUCK!! Everyone close to me knows how much I hate to feel that way, so crackers it was for lunch. Don't worry, I'm not wasting away to nothing. The down side to all of this medication is weight gain. I am at my heaviest I have ever been. I know getting better is the most important, but I don't think gaining weight helps me feel better about myself.
I have a difficult time when a staff member at the 1st neurologist office told be that I need to just look at this like 1 year of my life. I would look back 10 years from now and be glad that I took the time focusing on getting better. Yeah, easy to say when I was in the drivers seat of my life. I got back to work and school was important. Everything was going good, J and I were going smooth as always, and M was thriving with being more involved. A year and a half ago I already took personal time to recover from issues from my past. How much is J willing to deal with? He is truly one in a million. No matter what I throw at him, he never leaves my side.
I went and got M from school and she has a fever. Hopefully she is not getting another Kindergarten illness. J was busy on call all weekend, I don't know where he gets the energy. He'll probably get sick from her from being worn down.
-A
Sunday, March 13, 2011
Fears
Last night I took all of my pills and went to bed. My thought process was; I was tired and I had taken the muscle relaxer I got from the hospital and would feel better. What a horrible night. I dream so much lately, it feels like I am busy. A weird busy. They aren't nightmares just constant dreams about nothing really. I guess maybe it's the medication.
I knew that it was going to be terriable when morning came. And so I was right. The Sunday sun shone in, but I wanted it to go away. Not another day of feeling like this. My head, the dizziness and neck pain were all violent. I couldn't move, nor did I want to. I could only compare it to being in a car accident.
The phone started to ring; as it has more frequently with ideas and well wishes. Being so far away from my mom is hard at a time like this. She was my voice when I didn't get the answers I wanted. Although I am so very lucky to have married the person I did. He spoils me, lets me rest, brings me toast, and even started to fill out the 20 page new patient form I need for this week. He is my best friend.
I called the Neurologist On-call at 12:13pm. He called back at 12:16pm, wow!! That was quick. I tried to explain the best I could without tears. I'm a little confused after we spoke. He asks what medication I am taking, then interrupts and says 'You should be sleeping well'. I told him I take different stuff to sleep becuase I am sleep resistant. Then he tells me I could easily over-dose with everything I take, but adds to my list. If there is a fear of over-dosing then why is he adding to the dosage amounts? Being so vulnerable why did I follow his instructions? Lying there fearing his words after the fact.
This week will be a busy one, I have 4 doctor appointments this week. I would fill every hour I have with doctor appointments if it ment getting an answer.
-A
I knew that it was going to be terriable when morning came. And so I was right. The Sunday sun shone in, but I wanted it to go away. Not another day of feeling like this. My head, the dizziness and neck pain were all violent. I couldn't move, nor did I want to. I could only compare it to being in a car accident.
The phone started to ring; as it has more frequently with ideas and well wishes. Being so far away from my mom is hard at a time like this. She was my voice when I didn't get the answers I wanted. Although I am so very lucky to have married the person I did. He spoils me, lets me rest, brings me toast, and even started to fill out the 20 page new patient form I need for this week. He is my best friend.
I called the Neurologist On-call at 12:13pm. He called back at 12:16pm, wow!! That was quick. I tried to explain the best I could without tears. I'm a little confused after we spoke. He asks what medication I am taking, then interrupts and says 'You should be sleeping well'. I told him I take different stuff to sleep becuase I am sleep resistant. Then he tells me I could easily over-dose with everything I take, but adds to my list. If there is a fear of over-dosing then why is he adding to the dosage amounts? Being so vulnerable why did I follow his instructions? Lying there fearing his words after the fact.
This week will be a busy one, I have 4 doctor appointments this week. I would fill every hour I have with doctor appointments if it ment getting an answer.
-A
Saturday, March 12, 2011
What a night last night
Well we made a trip to the ER last night. They were very quick, but it was a warning when they asked "What do you want us to do for you?", MRI and MRA CD's with reports, and Results of the blood work in tow. I was speechless. What did I want them to do? Taking away the pain would have sounded stupid. But that's what I wanted.
Again I didn't get to see an actual doctor, just a Nurse Practitioner. I have to understand that they can't fix me in during one chilly March night.
So we came home and went to bed. I really felt no better than when we went. Is this the type of pain I will have to endure? We got to bed late and we got up early, so this 1st blog is going to be short.
-A
Again I didn't get to see an actual doctor, just a Nurse Practitioner. I have to understand that they can't fix me in during one chilly March night.
So we came home and went to bed. I really felt no better than when we went. Is this the type of pain I will have to endure? We got to bed late and we got up early, so this 1st blog is going to be short.
-A
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