Just hanging, somewhere

   I feel like I am on the sidelines. Just waiting to be called into the game. I guess if I ever played sports this is what it feels like. Here I am waiting..waiting for what? I got the biggest of the news, I pretty much knew but having the doctor tell you to your face is hard. I went online and from this website for facial pain. I guess they are having a big seminar in May. It's down in Virginia about 4 1/2 hours away.
   I've been having pain in my teeth. As I read this is normal with one of the big nerves that controls all of your teeth. Even know I don't have any cavities (I did work in the dental field for 9 years), but I want to see it on x-rays for myself. It's crazy to think of how the nerves work in your head.
   I am very scared to think about what my quality of life will be like. Maybe not so much mine but J's, Now I don't want to make him feel we can't ever plan to got out or done anything. That's a huge load to carry on ones' shoulders. We were always busy...a TO DO list every weekend. Now I don't want to go out for long in fear of pain. I was invited 2 months ago to do down to Dover with 4 others and have lunch in the Legislative Room to let them know how important it is to keep funding for Adult Education. Wow! I was so honored. I mean who gets to do stuff like that? What have I lost? I have only 1 appointment this week, so if I take it easy I am going. The District Curriculiam Director is providing transportation for me. I would be very angry at myself is I didn't go. Oh yeah, call M's Academy and ask if I could bring her on Thursday.
   I think about what I did, took or drank in the past that has caused my brain to react this way. Maybe it was the combination of something I got from my mom and dad. Then will I pass if off the the girls? I can't settle with the exploitation that things that happen. There has got to be a reason. Why?  I guess this is just hard for me to believe. And we still aren't done. My grandma says that I  shouldn't own it? How do you do that? I know that I came up with some more questions for Dr. K.G. but I forgot to write them down, when I remember I will have to e-mail him.
   I wish that I could describe to you exactly what pain and sensations I feel. My lips and scalp start to feel numb. My ear usually feel like I shoved something in it then got smacked on the side of my head. My neck if pushed on the swollen part is like I am being choked. My left arm aches and my fingers are often numb. Sorry this weekend was hard and so I am in the whoa is me mood.