Tomorrow J and I are going to see Dr. S, the Gastroenterologist. I guess see what he has to say. I think that since I've not died yet, I'll be alright. I have a lot of anxiety and I'm nauseated most of the time. The suggestion was to take a bite of whatever I was eating, then take a pill before I swallow. With the 18 pills I take in the morning I'm done eating before the pills are gone. I have been eating Packers Ice Cream Sandwiches, McDonalds Pancakes or A&W Shakes for the most part. I'll be 42 in December and I feel like I'm 80.
My question always goes back to ""What did I do To Deserve this?". If anyone has any comments I would gladly listen and respond. I sit in the living room and look at these thin notebooks I have and feel like I want to write M & B one each. Like the stories they wouldn't hear, my story and how much I love them. It's like I feel that if I get bad news tomorrow how do I tell them my feelings for them? I know its kind of dreadful, but they have been so helpful and I want them to know that I have appreciated that too. I'm not going to hurt myself but I get nervous that one of these times I'm going to be put under it will be the last.
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